


Backseat Driving

by sequoioideae



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, F/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3688473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sequoioideae/pseuds/sequoioideae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona steals a car, then immediately regrets it. Rhys goes out with a bang, then fizzles a bit. Vasquez is still The Worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backseat Driving

**Author's Note:**

> A drabble based on an AU prompt on tumblr, and facilitated by a friend of mine wishing for more Rhys/Fiona. (Though this is only barely shippy. Oops)

Fiona wasn't entirely sure why she'd thought stealing a car would be a good idea. 

She'd never stolen a car before, she'd always been content with more minor acts of thievery. Things like snatching wallets or watches from wealthy business men. That was something she was good at. In fact, in her own humble opinion, she was probably one of the best. 

Cars however, were way out of her wheelhouse.

But the car had just been sitting there, abandoned in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night. It had even had the plates removed. It was a beautiful, sleek, black thing and it was just daring her to try and steal it. 

Getting into the car hadn't been too much trouble. According to Felix, lock-picking was simply Crime 101, and any thief worth her salt should know how to do it.  
So getting in had been easy, it was everything that came after that was awful.

The first, and perhaps most glaring issue, was the fact that the car was a stick shift.

Fiona silently cursed all of the rich sports car owners of the world, and their absurd desire to make things harder on the thieves who would steal their cars. Honestly it was just rude of them. It was simply unfair that her brilliant car stealing scheme should start to fall apart before she'd even turned on the damn ignition. 

Fiona was fumbling around the dark car, trying to pull forward all the half-remembered things she knew about manual transmission cars, when she encountered her second main problem. 

“You know, you might have an easier time if you just used the keys.”

Fiona jumped out of the seat and only barely kept herself from screaming in surprise. Still panicking, she swung her fist towards the direction of the voice and felt her fist collide with a face.  
She quickly turned on all the lights in the car and turned around to the backseat to see the man she'd punched, curled up on the bench, holding a hand to his injured face. 

They looked at each other in silence for a moment, then Fiona carefully spoke, “So, uh, is this your car then?”

The man blinked a couple times and ran a hand through his hair.  
“Well, no, I mean, I guess it's mine.” He seemed to be very deliberately looking at a spot just to the right of Fiona's head, “I mean, I stole it, so that makes it mine now right?”

“Wait, you stole this car?”

“Yeah”

“This car, that I'm currently in the process of stealing?”

“Yeah”

“Oh boy.” Fiona turned and slumped back into the driver's seat and exhaled loudly. 

They sat in silence for a minute before the man leaned his head up the front of the car.  
“Uh, well, if it's any consolation,” he said, still not quite looking at Fiona, “I didn't really do a much better job when I stole it. It took me half an hour just to get up a small hill.”

“At least you got it to go somewhere. Gah, I promise I'm a much better criminal than I seem right now.”

“Well I guess I'm just a slightly better car thief than you.”

Fiona glared at him,  
“I said slightly!” He said, raising his hands defensively. 

Then, the man climbed through to the front passenger seat. Now that he was better lit, Fiona was able to fully take in his appearance. His brown hair had just a bit too much gel in it, and his clothes seemed comically mismatched. He had a kind of air about him that made him seem both very punchable, yet still somehow endearing. 

“Not to be rude or anything,” she said, “but you don't really look like the type of person who steals cars.”

“I'm not, at least not usually.” He laughed awkwardly and looked down at his hands, “This car was supposed to be going to my boss, and he's kind of the worst person ever. Like, he forcibly ousted my last boss, and the minute he got power he demoted me to the lowest position he could find.”

“So, you stole his car?”

“Yeah, I figured if I was gonna quit, I should do it in the coolest way possible.” He shook his head, “And the most illegal way too.”

“Ya know, I gotta say, I'm a little impressed. I've got to hand it to anyone who's idea of Going Out With a Bang involves grand theft auto.”

“Yeah, it is pretty cool, isn't it.” He smiled slightly, finally looking at Fiona. 

Fiona couldn't help but smile a little too. The whole situation was ridiculous, and no part of it had gone according to plan, for either of them it seemed. After a bit of thought however, Fiona realized, there might be someway to salvage the whole mess. 

“So,” she began, “I think I might know a way to turn this disaster into some cash for the both of us. I know a guy who'll buy stolen cars, and for good money too. If you can drive this thing to his garage, we can sell it and split the money. How's that sound?”

The man looked at her for a moment, then smiled and extended his hand. “You've got a deal.”

Fiona matched his smile and shook his hand.

They quickly switched seats, but before the man started the car, he turned to Fiona.

“Hey, if we're gonna sell this stolen car together, I think I should know your name.” A slight blush crept onto his face, “And besides, I'm a jobless criminal now, so you might be stuck with me for a bit.”

“All right then,” she said, “I'm Fiona.”

He let out the breath he'd been holding and smiled “Cool, I'm Rhys.”

Fiona grinned at him and began giving him directions to Scooter's garage.  
The whole car theft had completely gone of the rails, but Fiona couldn't really find it in herself to be upset. She was still going to get some money out of the whole mess, and for all that Rhys appeared flashy and absurd, he seemed like someone who'd be worth the effort to like. She didn't think she'd really mind having him tag along for a while. 

 

About 20 minutes into their drive, Fiona discovered the third major problem of the night. She'd pulled out her phone, intent on playing some stolen-car-road-trip appropriate music, only to find that Rhy's former boss had requested the car only be outfitted with a cassette player. Rhys had then solemnly informed her again, that his boss was genuinely the worst person ever.


End file.
